“So, are you looking forward to the Eastern Regional Assembly next week?” I was asked by a person who was keenly anticipating the event. I knew the expected response was something like, “Absolutely! Can’t wait! It’s going to be amazing!” But it was not at all how I was feeling, and so I mumbled a less-than-enthusiastic “Oh sure”, and hoped that my interrogator would not pursue the question any further.
Please let me explain: it’s not that there was anything remotely wrong with the projected assembly. No, it was all about where I was, emotionally and spiritually. I had been through a hectic few weeks that included some unexpected sermon preparation, a harrowing drive toOttawathrough a massive ice and freezing rain storm, and the leadership of a weekend men’s seminar. But more than just that, for some time I was feeling irritable, weary, old and running on empty. Ever feel that way in pastoral ministry or intercession? Perhaps it’s just me . . .
I have battled a tendency towards self-pity most of my life (I blame it on my Irish heritage – no one suffers like the Irish!), and it was on the ascendancy once more. When I get this way, I feel like I’m just plodding off to the next thing, whatever the next thing is. Even wonderful events can become the “next thing” and the goal is to be done and then plod on to the next “next thing”. So the regional assembly fell into the “next thing” category. The cave to which Elijah fled from the wrath of Queen Jezebel, and with which I am all too familiar, beckoned to me once again.
As I drove home fromOttawaon a much nicer day than the one of my arrival, I was blessed by the beauty of the coming spring, and I felt the Lord tugging on my heart (that’s the only way I can describe it). It was not clear to me what he was trying to say to me, but I knew there was definitely something. Rather than stress about it, I decided to wait for further guidance. It was not long in coming!
Three days later, we were gathered for the clergy day at the beginning of the regional assembly. Archbishop Tito Zavala of the Southern Cone was addressing the gathered clerics on the challenges of ministry in a province that is spread over 7 dioceses in 6 different countries. In his inimitable and candid style, the archbishop shared about his early days as a parish priest and the importance for clergy to maintain a balance among personal, family and ministry spheres of responsibility.
Then he made a comment that I immediately recognized as the word from the Lord for which I had been waiting. He said, “If you can learn to live in the joy of the Spirit, you will be okay. . . So, guard your hearts.” As I sat there listening to this dear man of God, the truth of his words hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. That was it – my weariness was the direct result of my having lost my joy; my joy in ministry, my joy in prayer, my joy in being forgiven, my joy in the Lord’s salvation. My delight in being in Jesus’ presence had been surreptitiously eroded without my awareness by the one who comes “to steal, kill and destroy”. (John 10: 10)
Three scriptures verses immediately came to my mind. The first one was made into a song that every evangelical Christian from 1970’s forward will remember:-
And Nehemiah, who was the governor, and Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, “This day is holy to the Lord your God; do not mourn or weep.” For all the people wept as they heard the words of the Law. Then he said to them, “Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8: 9-10 ESV
The context here is that revival has broken out amongst the exiles who have returned toJerusalemafter having heard the reading of God’s word. I felt like revival was beginning to break out in me as well as I realized that my source of strength, of stamina, was just as Archbishop Tito had said – the joy of the Lord!
Another scripture verse came to mind as I reflected on the other side of the same coin. The psalmist, David, cried out to the Lord in confession:
For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away. Psalm 31: 8 ESV
Another version expresses it this simply; “My sin has sapped my strength”. My sin of wallowing in self-pity, complaining about being old and feeling over the hill; all this had indeed sapped my strength. It wasn’t really an issue of old age or over work so much as it was the result of my not “guarding my heart” as Archbishop Tito had reminded us.
As I took some time throughout the rest of the assembly sessions to repent, I found myself turning once more to a verse written by the psalmist, David:
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. . . . Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:10, 12 ESV
And God has answered that prayer, as he always will. At the final session of the regional assembly, a communion service with contemporary worship music, I was able to enter into to the spirit of worship with great joy. At the conclusion of the service, I was the recipient of some prayer ministry that seemed to bring a seal to all the Lord had been doing in me during the week. I was, and am, profoundly grateful for the Lord’s grace-filled patience with me, and the restoration of that “joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory”. (1 Peter 1:8)
Brothers and sisters, this may all seem incredibly basic stuff – Christian Life 101. After all these years, I should know better, right? Even though I have counseled others and taught from the pulpit on the importance of maintaining a joyful spirit, this time it took the words of a dear Archbishop who had come all the way fromChileto penetrate through my malaise and bring me release and renewal.
And, yes, your Grace, I have purposed to be more diligent to “guard my heart” with a greater vigilance against the one who would steal it through the circumstances of life.
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Amen!
